from the Mayo clinic

Do you know anyone who isn't stressed out these days? The pace of our lives makes stress management a necessary skill for all of us. Learning to identify your problems and implement solutions is the key to successful stress relief.

The first step in stress relief is identifying your stress triggers. Some causes of stress are obvious — job loss, a divorce, the death of a loved one. But small, daily hassles and demands such as a long commute or getting your kids to do their home work, making sure they eat a healthy breakfast and lunch each day, and that they are getting enough exercise – basically parenting in general – can be a cause for major stress.

Once you've identified a stressful situation, you can start thinking about strategies to make it less problematic. Sometimes, the solution may be as easy as turning off the TV when the evening news is too depressing. When you can't avoid a stressful situation, try brainstorming ways to reduce the irritation factor. And don't feel like you have to figure it out all on your own. Seek help and support from family and friends. You may want to ask them what stress-relief techniques have worked well for them.

Stress won't disappear from your life. And stress management isn't an overnight cure. But with practice, you'll learn how to reduce your stress level and increase your ability to cope with life's challenges. 

Identifying negative thinking - Some common forms of negative self-talk include:

• Filtering. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all of the positive ones.
• Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself.
• Catastrophizing. You automatically anticipate the worst. One change in your daily routine leads you to think the entire day will be a disaster.
• Polarizing. You see things only as either good or bad, black or white. There is no middle ground. You feel that you have to be perfect or that you're a total failure]

Focusing on positive thinking

Because your self-talk is mainly negative doesn't mean you're doomed to an unhappy or unhealthy life. You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it takes time and practice — you're creating a new habit, after all. Here are some ways to think and behave in a more positive way:

Check yourself. Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you're thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to find a way to put a positive spin on them.

Be open to humor. Give yourself permission to smile or laugh, especially during difficult times. Seek humor in everyday happenings. When you can laugh at life, you feel less stressed.

Follow a healthy lifestyle. Exercise at least three times a week to positively affect mood and reduce stress. Follow a healthy diet to fuel your mind and body. And learn to manage stress.

Surround yourself with positive people. Make sure those in your life are positive, supportive people you can depend on to give helpful advice and feedback. Negative people, those who believe they have no power over their lives, may increase your stress level and may make you doubt your ability to manage stress in healthy ways.

Practice positive self-talk. Start by following one simple rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to anyone else. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself. If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate it rationally and respond with affirmations of what is good about yourself.